havent blogged in awhile...

sooo....so much has been going on lately. ummm i stopped seeing sellis, and started seeing sly again. haha funny story there. my child has been getting on my nerves more and more lately. i still hate my job. had a little scare with abnormal cells on my cervix, but im all good, or at least will be. summer's almost over, and i hate it!!
but anyway, so yea i stopped seeing sellis because he was getting on my nerves and kept asking me to give him head which i wasnt going to do and i kept telling him that but he kept bugging me. so i decided to just stop that. it only lasted like 2 weeks. oh well. and so i started seeing sly again because my friends are crazy!!!! one night me, queeta, and courtney were bored and we went to the beach, and we were leaving but none of us wanted to go home. so queet was talking to this dude gary, and she thought he was messing around with some other girl, so she was like let's go stalk gary. so we're all like alright let's go! so we get some snacks, lol, and i drive because gary doesnt know my car. so we go past and this dude is chillin with some girl on her car all in between her legs and shit. so im laughing hysterically, and gary is looking dead at me so im like shit he saw me!! so queeta is pissed and tells me to turn around and go back. and im like forreal you want me to? and she's like hell yea. so i turn around and i go back and the girl is walking off the porch and gary is standing on the porch stairs, so we knew for sure then that he saw us. so i park in front of his neighbor's house and queeta gets out the car and goes up to him, and he starts talking to her mad regualr like she didnt just catch him. meanwhile, the other girl is just sitting on her car while all this is going on. so gary's like who's in the car and queet tells him im driving so he comes up and is like whats up kaz? and he's on the phone and crap not paying attention to queeta. then his stupid friend who tried to talk to me comes up and im like shit i hope he doesnt see me! lol but he's like whats going on or whatever because he sees queet and the otehr girl there, and he just walks away. so gary is not tlaking to queeta for anything and she's just like alright dont call me anymore. and she wouldnt have been so mad if gary and just been honest with her instead of lying and telling her she was the only girl he was talking to. and then he just avoiding the whole situation when he knew he was caught. oh well. so after that we go back to my house and we're trying to ifigure out who else we can stalk. so we call john and sellis and they're both out of town, so i was like let's stalk sly. so everyone was down, so i put jayden down to sleep, and we get in queeta's car and go over there. so his street has this huge median in the middle that separates his street from the next one, so we're on the other side and queeta stops the car in the middle of the street across from his house. her freaking lights we on and everythng and she's just sitting there. so no lights were on in the house so i was like he's not there lets just go. but she just sits there anyway. then we see this dude walking up the street, like his side of the street not where we were. and im looking and i was like oh shit thats him!!!!! and start freaking out. so courtney in the back starts yelling at queet to go over there and im yelling no dont! so queeta speeds up and slows down mad fast at the stop sign and is looking at me and at the street thinking about whether or not to go and this whole time im begging her not to. so she's like fuck it im going! so she speeds around the corner, and im yelling at her and not paying any attention to where he is. so i look when we were in front of his neighbor's house and im like oh shit he's standing right there!! his ass was on the sidewalk just watching us. and meanwhile queeta slowed down and we were just rolling in front of him and she's staring at him and i turned my head so he wouldnt see me. so we go past then she speeds up again. and im screaming at her i cant believe you did that, and blah blah. so courtney's like go back! and im like omg no dont go back!! but of course queeta's crazy ass goes back anyway, but this time he was inside. so they both swore up and down that he saw me, so im like oh shit now he thinks im crazy. so the next day i really felt embarassed and everything so i txt him apologizing and everything and this is the first time we've talked in about a month so it was kinda awkward. but he txts me back and whatever and says something where i realize he didnt actually see me so i just told on myself. so now im pissed and he calls me asking why didnt i just call him and tell him i was outside or whatever and i, cursing his ass out because im pissed off at myself for telling on myself, so he starts cursing me out then we just hang up on each other. so a few hours later i felt bad for cursing him out for no reason so i txt him again apologizing again, and he apologizes too and im like what are you sorry for you had every right to be mad. and he's like yea but it wasnt that big of a deal or whatever. so we stopped talking after that. so then that was like during the day or whatever and he goes out almost every weekend so i was like he's gonna call me at 2 am talking about he wants to see me. and sure enough he did, but i didnt go see him, but i did the next day and we've been seeing each other ever since. lol so it was pretty funny how everything happened and now he calls me his little stalker and i hate it! but we joke about it so its all good. ok i have to get ready for work so ill write more later!

anxious...

sooo im going to meet up with this dude in a lil bit, and im mad nervous! lmao i was supposed to meet up with him last night, but i fell asleep putting jayden down. he wasnt even mad, at least he didnt show that he was. shit if it had been me, i wouldve cursed his ass out lol. but yea im thinking this might be a little weird because its him. but i dont know, we'll see. i was telling queeta how i hope he turns the lights off because i dont think ill be able to do it if they're on! lmao im mad dumb. he sent me a pic of his thingy thang and he's not small in any way. he's gonna fucking hurt me! lol oh well ill take it like a champ. damn yo i hope im not wack bc its been so long for me. i havent gotten any since like march. maaadddd long! but before that it had been like 10 months, so i guess this is nothing. its just...weird! he's not even that cute, but im not looking for anything more than a booty call right now anyways. im too bruised for anything more. so fuck that! im just gonna have me some fun, and not do it in a slutty way lol. man o man o man. i dont even know what to do with myself right now. lol

7 deadly sins

stole this from eb the fake celeb...lmao

Anger
1. Who did you last get angry with? my child
2. What is your weapon of choice? vocals
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? hell yea i do almost everyday lol
4. How about of the same sex? Ive never had to, but yea i would
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you? wouldnt know
6. What is your pet peeve? hmmm...idk!
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? sometimes it takes me awhile to get over something, but i always do. keeping a grudge against someone takes too much time and energy that they are not worth

Sloth
1. What is one thing you’re supposed to do daily that you haven’t done in a long time? take my vitamins
2. What is the latest you’ve ever woken up? goodness idk
3. Who have you been meaning to contact, but haven’t? ashley
4. What is the last lame excuse you made? something about the baby not feeling good, so i didnt have to go see someone i didnt feel like seeing
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through (one of the long ones…)? No
6. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? didnt have an alarm on today

Gluttony
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? venti iced green tea lemonade with melon
2. Meat eaters are…: absolutely amazing :)lol
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you’ve had in one sitting/outing/event? like 3 quarters of a bottle of bacardi melon
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company? No
5. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods or spicy foods? Spicy

Lust
1. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation? yea all my friends have huge boobs, and for some reason we always bring our boobs up in convo lol
2. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? arms
3. Have you ever been made a proposition by a prostitute? No
4. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy? both
5. Is love at first sight really lust? i believe so

Greed
1. How many credit cards do you own? i only have my debit card
What’s your guilty pleasure store? Victoria's Secret
3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it? put a few hundred thou away for jay, put half in a savings account, buy a house so i can move out of my parents, invest some, probably give some to different charities, pay off all bills, give some to siblings and queet
4. Would you rather be rich or famous? Rich
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? i could for awhile, but ive had boring jobs n they made me go a lil crazy...
6. Have you ever stolen anything? Yes.
7. How many mp3s are on your hard drive? a lot

Pride
1. What is one thing you have done that you’re most proud of? jayden
2. What’s one thing you’ve done that your parents are most proud of? wouldnt know
3. What thing would you like to accomplish in your life? being truly happy with everything in my life
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? depends on what im coming in 2nd place with
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors? No
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? yea
7. What did you do today that you’re proud of? i actually did a lot of work at work, instead of sitting on my ass lol

Envy
1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for yourself? there really is no item or person, but some of my friends have no cares in the world and sonetimes i wish i had it easy like them
2. Who would you want to go on Trading Spaces with? no clue
3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? jada pinkett smith so i could look at will all day lol
4. Have you ever been cheated on? Yes
5. Have you ever cheated? i kissed a boy i wasnt dating but that was it. is that considered cheating? lol

insomnia...

i cant sleep! im nervous about the interview tomorrow. i hate interviews. i havent been to one in like 2 years. but ive never had an interview where i didnt get the job! so hopefully my good luck will continue. my friend from work cater saw sly on sat at a bar. i hadnt seen her in awhile, so she didnt know that i had ended it with him. so she comes in today and is like i have something to tell you! and im like is it about a boy? and she's like yea, who do u think? and i was like oh, we dont talk anymore, and she was like oh ok nevermind then. and i was like no! was he with a girl!! and she said no i just saw him at the bar and i asked him what was going on with you two and he said nothing im still single, and her brother was all in the convo and was like yea whats going on between you and kaz, i heard she's hot! lmao people are funny. we had a fire last night at ash's and baby was sleeping and we put him on the hammock that was outside wrapped in a million blankets and he was so cute! i have to put the pics up of it. neil was drunk out of his mind as usual and was the life of the party. he's hilarious. zach m was high as a kite as usual, his eyes all bugged out scaring the shit outta me lol zach b was getting drunk off smirnoff ice, that was hilarious. shane was there! he's such a cutie pie. ash told me after i left they were talking about how i couldnt be a happy day, which is what they call a girl they think is hot, i could only be a milf. and shane goes, ash you have to have a kid to be a milf. and ash is like yea kaz does have a child, he was just here. and shane is like oh yea! she does have a kid. alright kaz is such a fucking milf! he was high too lmao good times. ok im gonna try n sleep now!

doing good...

soo..... it's been awhile since i ended it with sly, and im surprised i havent thought about him as much as i thought i would. which makes me happy! thats good for me because that tells me im really done with him this time around. it doesnt matter anyway because i found me a "friend". lmao this dude i went to high school with. my exes ex best friend. haha oh well they dont really talk anymore, so i dont feel bad. i actually wouldnt feel bad even if they were still talking. lol im terrible. anyways, i have a fire to go to!

This is just a little something i wrote last year sometime when i had my heart broken for the first time! Im no means a poet, but it still helped me.

today is the day

today is the day where i feel worthy again
today is the day where i feel deserving again
today is the day where i say it's your loss, not mine
today is the day where i stop feeling sorry for myself
today is the day where i begin to find true happiness
today is the day where i will shed my last tears
today is the day where i will have faith in myself again
today is the day where the pain stops and the healing begins
and today is the day where i begin to have hope that i will find love again



Yea so I ended it with fuckface last night. I just sent him a text because I knew he was at work and I knew if he wasnt and I called him, he wouldnt have anything meaningful to say anyway, so whatever. He didnt even say anything back. That asshole. But I knew he wasnt going to, so it didnt even upset me.

But on to happier things! My baby is finally doing better and has no fever! Took him to the doc today just for her to tell me he probably had a virus, and that he should be fine. Oh so insightful. He loves to dance, its so funny because he gets so excited and so into it. I've been trying to take a video of it but he just stops and gives me his screw face and looks all embarrassed. lol So i'll try and get him dancing and put a vid on here.

I've come to realize..

1. I've come to realize that my legs....
are extremely paler than the rest of my body lol

2. I've come to realize that this weekend...
is probably going to suck except pool day on saturday!

3. I've come to realize that when i'm driving...
i have roadrage, and i turn the radio up too damn loud! but baby jay just rocks out anyway lol

4. I've come to realize that i need...
to realize that i cant have everything i want when i want it or even at all

5. I've come to realize that I have lost...
something special...

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when...
stupid people come into dibellas and ruin my whole day

7. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk...
pictures are going to be taken!! lol

8. I've come to realize that money...
is always needed

9. I've come to realize that certain people...
dont deserve to have me, and im not saying that in a conceited way!

10. I've come to realize that I'll always be..
my crazy self, and i love it!

11. I've come to realize that I have a crush on...
stupid face, but he already knows that, and a million freaking actors!

12. I've come to realize that my mom...
gets on my nerves sometimes....

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone is..
so important that i dont think i could function without it!

14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning...
i didnt get enough sleep

15. I've come to realize that last night before i went to sleep...
that i wasnt going to get enough sleep

16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about..
stupid face and wondering if i should text him back bc it took him so long to text me back! haha i can be so childish

17. I've come to realize that my dad...
has mental issues

18. I've come to realize that when I get on myspace...
im on here too much

19. I've come to realize that today...
kind of was a drag...

20. I've come to realize that tonight...
i should sleep, but im not since im doing this damn survey

21. I've come to realize that tomorrow I will...
be dead tired all over again

22. I've come to realize that I really want...
someone that i probably shouldnt want

23. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to re post this...
who freakin knows lol